Wishes and Photographs

So wishes are a strange thing.  I mean, do they really not come true if you tell someone?  Or is there even a point in wishing for anything?  My birthday is coming up in a few days, and of course I know what I want.  But, should I really wish for it?  I mean is it useless?  I just don't know.  I do know that I love him a lot, and that I think he loves me too.  That I know for sure.  But in the end, what if it doesn't even matter?  I want him to fight for me.  I want him to come to my house and sweep me off my feet.  I want him to show me he loves me.  But what if I'm holding out for something that will never happen?  I know that good things come to those that wait, but I've been waiting, and I don't even think he cares about me at all. 
I pretend that I'm so happy, but really I'm falling apart.  I know that he would be able to see the look in my eyes and know that everything isn't really ok.  I look at my senior pictures and wonder where the happy girl went.  I wonder why she now has sad eyes and struggles to put a smile on her face every morning.  Sometimes I wonder if other people notice.  But I think they don't.  I think I'm pretty alone when it comes down to it.  He knew me so well, no one will ever know me the way he does.

Unspoken Words

You know, things are so much easier to say in a blog.  There is something to say about being able to be anonymous and say anything without anyone knowing your true identity.  Tonight's post is about unspoken words.  Those things that you don't say and then maybe you regret it later.  Or maybe you don't.  I don't know.  But there is always that thing in the back of your mind that you never say.  I'm one of those people who watches the world pass by and usually keeps things inside of my head.  Sometimes it's for the better.  But, other times, it's not. 
Just think about those people who you love.  Do you tell them that every time you talk to them?  Or do you just take for granted that they know?  What happens if one day they aren't there anymore and you never told them that you loved them?  Time is a strange thing.  It is there one second and gone the next.  Just something that I've been thinking about a lot lately.
Every time I walk past him I want him to hold me again.  I want him to press his lips against mine.  I want the past to come back.  Sadly, I know it never will.  We see each other every day, and every day I want to tell him that I love him, but I don't.  Perhaps it's that I'm afraid he won't say it back.  Maybe it's just because my heart doesn't know how to trust again.  So I put my faith in him, hoping that one day he will sweep me off my feet.  That is my wish.  My one and only wish is for him to come back. 

Because of the things he has said, I don't really know if I will ever be the one to make the first move to talk to him.  So, I put my faith in him, hoping that he will soon find the error in his ways and correct it.  The sad thing is that I can't really live my life.  At least not fully.  My advice is that you should never fall for someone the way I did.  In the end, you are only hurting yourself. 

Rantings from a broken-hearted girl

Well, I guess love is a funny thing.  Here one second and gone the next.  Is love even worth the risk?  I mean, most people just end up hurt anyway.  Love burns like the largest fire.  But we all know that even the biggest fire must eventually burn out.  I am one of 500,000,000 girls who are now living with a broken heart.  Is looking back and remembering the good times even more hurtful than just moving on?
All the time I think about that.  I know for sure that I'm in love with him.  Should I wait?  Isn't waiting sort of in vain, since he may never come back?  All of my friends keep telling me to move on and let go, but I can't.  What we had was something amazing.  Our love was stronger and deeper than anyone else that I know.
Then, one day, he just left.  There are so many reasons why.  At least so many excuses I keep making for him.  I look back and read the letters he wrote me.  They say that he will never leave me.  He makes promises that we will be together forever.  Yet, he threw all of it away.  Why?
I know that guys never know what they want, but I was positive he wanted me.  He asked me to marry him.  I know that he was serious about us.  But now, we don't even talk. 
His family hates me, and now my family is beginning to hate him as they see that my life is in shambles.  My heart is completely broken.  I don't think that I will ever be able to be completely happy again.  I used to say that he was my first and last love.  Now I know that that is the truth. 
I don't even want to pick up the pieces of my heart.  I don't ever want to be with someone else who will hurt me like he has.  My heart literally aches for him.  I miss being in his arms and his whispers of "I love you" in my ear.  I miss finally being cared about by someone.  Most of all, I miss actually looking forward to my future.  I don't even want a future now. 
Im sure that you think that I'm being overly dramatic about this, but I'm not.  I have known for years that he is my soulmate.  That is why I cannot simply move on and meet another guy.  It seems strange to hear from someone as young as me that I have met my soulmate, but I know for sure that I have.  Nothing will ever make me change my mind about that.  I love him with all of my heart.  When I see him in the hall at school, my heart jumps and I pray silently to myself that he looks over and sees me.  He usually doesn't.  I even hope that his car is coming down the road every time I see a car that looks like his.  I try to tell myself that he is coming to apologize and tell me he wants me back.  I psych myself out and get my hopes up.  It's never him.

I'll include five of the best quotes I can find in every post.  These are some really good quotes about being broken-hearted:
1) "How can I forget you when your always on my mind? How can I not want you when your all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart?"

2)"You taught me how to love; you taught me how to live; you taught me how to laugh; you taught me how to cry, but when you left, you forgot to teach me how to forget you."

3) "I was finally getting over you and actually believing I didn't need you. I was finally accepting you had another girl. Then you smiled at me and ruined it all."

4) "A million words wouldn't bring you back. I know because I've tried. Neither would a million tears. I know because I've cried."

5) "They say that if you love someone you should let them go, but they never say what to do when they don't come back."